Dear Germaphobe at the Gym

Dear Germaphobe at the Gym

Are you serious? Did I just see you flush the urinal with your knee?? I understand the importance of proper hygiene. Really I do. I use warm water and soap…cough and sneeze into the fold of my arm…all the good stuff.

However, using a different paper towel to dispense soap, cut the water on and off, and to open the door is…


Put on a whole body condom if it’s that serious! Before you think that I’m overreacting and that you are just being cautious. Think back to when you were a child.

Did that tasty booger kill you?

Do you have some incurable infectious disease contracted from touching the bars on the jungle gym? No! At most you got a cold. Your nose ran, you whined and your mom just popped the mammary canteen back in your mouth. So, stop it with the bio-hazard routine. That is all. Thank you.

Disgustingly yours,


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